I Wonder as I Wait

Twenty-one weeks today.  That’s how far along I would be with baby Ande whom we lost through miscarriage eight weeks ago.  Eight weeks, yet it feels like forever.  Just as I can scarecly remember life without Abel and Amariah, I can scarcely remember life without Ande–or at least without the hope of Ande.  I miss my baby every day, and I long for the day when we’ll meet in heaven.  I am at peace with the waiting (to meet, that is), and yet I wonder.  I wonder what life is like for Ande, privileged to skip out of this sin stained world and right into heaven with Jesus.  I wonder if my baby knows me though we’ve never met.  I wonder if Ande is a boy or a girl.  I wonder how my baby’s early departure will play out in God’s perfect plan.  I wonder how I would be looking and feeling at 21 weeks pregnant.  I wonder if God will again open my womb before the January 20, 2009, due date.  I wonder.  I wait.  I trust.  I hope.  “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known” (1 Corinthians 13:12).