Missing Something

All month I have had this feeling that I’m forgetting something.  Every morning when I change the date on my perpetual block calendar I have to stop and think, What is it that I have going on this month, and when is it?  What am I forgetting about?

A couple days ago I finally figured it out.  Today, January 27, 2009, is the due date we originally calculated for Ande Lynn, the baby we lost to miscarriage this past July.  Apparently, somewhere in the back of my mind, I was still “expecting” a baby this month.  I guess I didn’t foresee having that feeling since in the meantime the good Lord has once again filled my womb.  Yet, I knew all along that getting pregnant again before Ande’s due date would not somehow “erase” the memory or hope of him/her or ever “replace” the baby we will never meet on this side of heaven.

And still, it’s not to say that we would rather be meeting Ande this month than be 19 1/2 weeks pregnant with these twins.  Even in our lack of understanding, we praise God for His ways.  In the midst of our loss we were comforted with the thought that God knew the end of the matter and that He would somehow cause this thing to work for our good.  And now that I am seeing the very beginning of the end of the matter, I stand in awe of my God.  For, in opening our womb just two short months after losing our baby Ande and in filling it with not one but two babies, God truly is causing all things–even the loss of a baby–to work together for our good.

Understand that with all of my heart I praise God for His ways.  Not only did He provide us with much comfort and peace during our time of loss, but He has also given us three children in the span of time that most would only get one.  Two we will meet here on this earth, and one we have waiting for us in heaven.  I can think of no better way for this all to have played out than the way which God has seen fit.

8 Comments

  1. Sweet post….brought tears. I praise God for your faith, Angela.

  2. I’m sorry for your loss Angela. How wonderful though that you have such a beautiful perspective. One child gained heaven and two more gained life! Hallelujah! Your heart is so evident in the things you write. It’s obvious that you not only want to be a good wife and mommy, but that you want to rejoice in your Savior for it all!

    Thanks for sharing that.
    Lynnette
    PS I think you asked me about my boys bunk beds, right? Well, they are wonderful! They’re not only pretty, but they really are nice for storage. I got rid of my sons dresser since it has a built in one and it has a bookshelf too. We don’t use the bookshelf for much since we have room for another, but if you didn’t have room, it’s great for that too.

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    2. You look so hot that I now have a total girl crush on you.That dress is amazing!!!! And the tattoos just add a little extra sexy to the mix…

  3. Tanya says:

    Thank you for sharing…

  4. Very touching and thanks for sharing.

  5. Julie says:

    What a blessing to be having twins! I also had a miscarriage and became pregnant before the other baby would’ve been due. God is always there!