All month I have had this feeling that I’m forgetting something. Every morning when I change the date on my perpetual block calendar I have to stop and think, What is it that I have going on this month, and when is it? What am I forgetting about?
A couple days ago I finally figured it out. Today, January 27, 2009, is the due date we originally calculated for Ande Lynn, the baby we lost to miscarriage this past July. Apparently, somewhere in the back of my mind, I was still “expecting” a baby this month. I guess I didn’t foresee having that feeling since in the meantime the good Lord has once again filled my womb. Yet, I knew all along that getting pregnant again before Ande’s due date would not somehow “erase” the memory or hope of him/her or ever “replace” the baby we will never meet on this side of heaven.
And still, it’s not to say that we would rather be meeting Ande this month than be 19 1/2 weeks pregnant with these twins. Even in our lack of understanding, we praise God for His ways. In the midst of our loss we were comforted with the thought that God knew the end of the matter and that He would somehow cause this thing to work for our good. And now that I am seeing the very beginning of the end of the matter, I stand in awe of my God. For, in opening our womb just two short months after losing our baby Ande and in filling it with not one but two babies, God truly is causing all things–even the loss of a baby–to work together for our good.
Understand that with all of my heart I praise God for His ways. Not only did He provide us with much comfort and peace during our time of loss, but He has also given us three children in the span of time that most would only get one. Two we will meet here on this earth, and one we have waiting for us in heaven. I can think of no better way for this all to have played out than the way which God has seen fit.