I like new beginnings–a chance to look back and a chance to start over. I wish I had it so together that I didn’t need a fresh start–that I was so perfect I could just keep doing exactly what I’m doing and be fine; but even the most devoted Christian and the most noble wife and the most loving mother falls short of perfect. Even though I know I’ll never be perfect this side of heaven, it is still the desire of my heart to try. The Christian/wife/mother who finds herself no longer trying finds herself in a dangerous place. After all, every relationship–be it your relationship with God, your spouse, or your children–requires effort. And I guess that’s where the need for a new beginning–a fresh start–comes in.
My husband asked me this morning, “So if you could change jobs for the new year, would you?” My answer, of course, was no–I love being a stay-at-home mom. But who hasn’t had days where you’d be tempted to say yes?… Yes, I want out of these circumstances…. Yes, I am tired of trying….
Sometimes it gets hard to keep putting forth the effort that a healthy relationship requires. It’s hard to set aside purposeful time to spend with God. It’s hard to selflessly give your energies (or what’s left of them) to your husband at the end of a long day. It’s hard to put work aside in the interest of spending quality time with your children. It’s hard to love. It’s hard to serve. It’s hard to_____…. And because it’s hard–and because I’m human–I fail.
I fail, but I don’t give up.
I never officially “make” New Year’s resolutions, but I like September‘s idea of choosing a theme for the new year–an area in which I need growth and in which I will strive to better meet God’s standard. Thinking back over the past year, it seems like maybe the Lord has been showing me that the area I need growth in is my relationships–especially my relationship with Him, with my husband, and with my children. I’m not exactly sure what this process of growth will require of me, but I am sure that it will be a process and that it will be hard.
As I stand at this new beginning, I praise God that His Word will be a light unto my path and that His mercies will be new every morning!