Last Friday morning, after 14 months and 9 days of successfully breastfeeding twins, I nursed Isabel and Elliana for the last time, bringing to an end (unless God wills otherwise) my breastfeeding “career.”
For me, breastfeeding has been a most enjoyable part of being a mommy. Despite the ugly undergarments and the occasional “Ouch!”, I have thoroughly enjoyed being able to give of myself for the sake of my babies. Reaping that enjoyment–as well as the benefits of health and bonding–has definitely come with a price. In fact, because I have spent all but two of the sixty-two months of my marriage either pregnant or breastfeeding or both, there have been times that I have said to my husband, “I haven’t felt good ever since we got married.” And, there have been times that I have felt a little tied down by the fact that my baby/babies had needs that only I could fulfill. So, yes, breastfeeding my children has meant a sacrifice of self; but I wouldn’t have had it any other way!
Weaning Isabel and Elliana has been bittersweet. Due to the fact that we are heeding my doctor’s advice that my uterus should not be tested with another pregnancy, there has been a certain feeling of finality to the weaning this time around. Not only will I never nurse Isabel and Elliana again, but I may never nurse any baby again. That is the bitter part. The sweet part, though, is that I am going to feel good again! In fact, I already do feel more like myself than I have in a really long time. I have more energy, more motivation, more of myself to give in other ways because not all of me is being consumed by the demands of breastfeeding.
Since I feel it a bit presumptuous to say that I am “closing this chapter” of my life, I will rather say that I am simply turning the page. In whatever ways the Lord may call me to give of myself in the coming pages, I pray that I will do so with joyful obedience.