What I Really Don’t Like About Myself

You know what I really don’t like about myself?  I don’t always respond well.  In those moments when I don’t have (or don’t take) the time to consider what my response SHOULD be, the thing that comes out isn’t always what I wish it had been.  Ugly, unloving words come spewing from my mouth, do their damage, expose their evidence, and then return right back to my (now sinking-) heart from whence they came.

“But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart….” (Matthew 15:18)

And, in that moment, I experience a mix of feelings which are all fully necessary:  regret for my words, sorrow for my failure, and gratefulness for my exposure.  Just as a glimpse in the mirror reflects a hair out of place, so an unholy word reveals a heart in disarray.  By God’s amazing grace, my sin is revealed; and, because of God’s merciful conviction, I can confess and repent and move forward, saying,

“Search me, O God, and know my heart…. See if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:23-24)

I don’t always respond well.  And the truth is, I won’t ever be able to always respond well.  (“But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8))  But God can always continue to change my heart.

These things I know,

  • that my words will always reflect my heart and
  • that I will never be more than who I am in my quickest response.

 
Oh, that my words would spring pure from a heart being ever perfected by God!

2 Comments

  1. Rachel says:

    Don’t beat yourself up, we all have moments where we are quick to the tongue. More or less we use those teachable moments to better ourselves to be an example of Christ.

    1. Angela says:

      Amen, Rachel! James 3:2 says, “For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well.” I will never be perfect, but I will cooperate with God as He continually perfects me!