My sister-in-law recently said while snuggling with her Baby #5, “I’m in newborn heaven.” As I looked at her sweet baby, I knew exactly what she meant. I remembered being in that place myself… a place so beautiful I couldn’t imagine ever leaving. I guess that’s why it was hard for me to learn that I would have to–that because of the condition of my uterus, another pregnancy would be too dangerous for me.
Was I really to be done having babies? I had been living so comfortably in newborn heaven that I didn’t even know who I would be outside of it. What would life be like without the thrill of a positive pregnancy test, the anticipation of a pending birth, and the blessing of a new baby? I tried to look down the road beyond babies, but I couldn’t see past the place where I was.
I remember there being a particular moment in time, though, when God did grant me a glimpse of what was ahead. During church one Sunday morning, I looked at a “grown-up,” godly family that stood a couple rows ahead of us joined together in worship; and, in that moment, God seemed to show me that it was all going to be okay–that even though I couldn’t look forward to having more babies, I had so much else to look forward to with the family He had already given me.
Isabel and Elliana were just two-months old when that happened. I would be nursing for another 12 months, changing diapers for another 19, and sticking close to home through it all. I still didn’t know what the road ahead would look like, nor did I have eyes to peer. Because, where I was, I had to be all there.
And now I’m in a new place. I’m in a place where the demands of motherhood are every bit as real as they ever were, albeit different. But I’m also in a place where there are a few more attractions along the way. To be sure, there was a portion of my journey that offered few stops–a time when my social life was nearly non-existent and when the most consistent fellowship I had was online with fellow mommy-bloggers (whose “friendships” I still treasure).
But within the past 4-5 months God’s path for me has led to several different avenues of face-to-face fellowship. In October, we joined a Christian homeschool co-op. In September, we resumed leadership of a church small group after having taken a three-year break. In August, I began playing intramural volleyball through our church (the first activity I’ve been able to engage in since becoming a mom). And, in July, I signed on to be a member of the contributor team for the new Des Moines Moms Blog (which launched TODAY, by the way!!!).
Three-plus years ago, I was somewhat alone, doing what I had to do, marching the path that had been laid out before me. And, here I am, still trekking along the ever-changing terrain on a road paved just for me and yet not without friends to walk alongside me.
God has added to my life four new “circles” of friends in four months time. Makes me wonder what lies ahead….